Hey lovelies, so I’ve being thinking…does abstaining from sex guarantee an exceptional sex life when one finally gets married?
Usually this is how we think the whole purity thing should play out, “I waited and kept my heart and legs closed now I am married, let the 50 shades sex life begin..“(Drums rolling) and most people are so disappointed because it never ever happens like that. Then they are wondering if they erred by waiting.
First, there are no guarantees in life. So inadvertently waiting does not and cannot guarantee an exceptional sex life after one has married. I know you are wondering then why wait? Remember this post
gave at least 7 reasons why you should wait.
Before we answer the question appropriately, there are a few things I want to bring to your mind. There are a lot of real life stories out there of people who really waited and were sorely disappointed about their sexual experience and some even say they wished they had tested and known if they were compatible. And this is the major basis for the argument against abstinence till marriage movement.
But here is the problem to that argument, human beings are creatures of habit and not experimental beings, meaning you can’t just go around experimenting with different people. Your physiology was not wired that way, rather you take memories with you from every experience and with that you inadvertently find yourself comparing every experience you have and planning for the next experience. That’s why it becomes almost impossible for such people to be faithful (no pun intended) because humans are creatures of habit, so there will always be a comparison and a desire for a new experience.
Nevertheless, the wait movement has also not been truly honest. It makes it look like you are going to have an amazing sex life, once you just wait. That is crap (excuse my french).
Sexual compatibility takes time and practice, but the beauty in waiting or remaining celibate before the experience is, you get to explore higher vistas of intimacy with someone and enjoy a beautiful journey of discipline and continual learning with that special someone.
I think before two celibate individuals decide to get married they should be willing to sit and talk and be honest with each other. That from the beginning, sex between them is not going to be as exhilarating and erotic like 50 shades (he is not even your Christian) but they are willing to learn and be patient with each other and growing together and that it will take a lot of time.
There is no magic wand that is waved over anyone’s head to have an amazing sex life just because you waited, and usually thinking like that makes it look like the only reason why you waited was for sex, but I think there are other important factors that makes waiting worth it.
Life is work, marriage is hard work but waiting prepares you for that. Regardless of your religiosity, waiting helps the relationship form better communication processes, and these help improve long-term stability and relationship satisfaction.
There’s more to a relationship than sex, statistics show that, those who waited were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship.
I believe that people who wait have better marriages because they have learnt to talk and have the skills to work with the issues that come up.
Before going into marriage, delete the idea that just because you waited you are going to have super-hot sex. That is a delusion. Sexual compatibility takes time and a lot of patience.
You and your partner should sit (that is if both of you are celibate) and be honest with yourself. Your conversation should go thus; hey we are celibate, we are going to have sex, we are not experts but we will learn, we will make mistakes, we will get it wrong so many times but it is going to be with just you, and I don’t have anyone to compare you with so it is going to be a worthwhile journey, moreover we will seek help and with prayer will have a great journey of intimacy and love.
I think this conversation alone is worth the wait. To know that there is a whole journey of love, intimacy and friendship waiting for you with someone who also waited for such a moment like that is really worth it.
I hope you learnt something from that – I definitely did – especially the part about having a conversation and being truthful with one another. There is no magic wand for an amazing sex life…it is learned (in marriage). As always, let me know your thoughts in the COMMENTS section, SUBSCRIBE to my blog and SHARE.
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