Today’s post is quite an interesting one, believe me it is.
I did something new for this post.
I interviewed a couple of people who have been celibate for some time.
I want to let sexually active unmarried people know that life without sex isn’t as bad as they think.
So I’ve gathered short stories of people who have gone/are going through celibacy, their struggles, how they cope “without sex” and the benefits of celibacy in their life.
Let’s get right to it.
For me making a conscious decision to be celibate till I got married was about 3 years ago, before that time I had so many opportunities, the ones I sought out for and the ones I was given on a silver platter. Life for me has been a wild roller coaster; I miss intimacy with a lady, the cuddles, waking up by her side and all that. For me, that is the hardest part of being celibate but the dividends are lovely; I have learnt self control and it has helped in so many areas of my life.
For instance, you meet a lady and she’s all there physically. The bosom and bottoms are perfect with the humility (boys love that) and then you think something might happen and may even want it to happen but you stay low because of your celibacy vow and later find out things about the lady and you just know your celibacy just saved you from a big mess.
I have also learnt to develop healthy relationships especially with the opposite sex and I think that is priceless. There’s a kind of friendship you can only get when you learn to see a lady as a friend and not a sex object to conquer.
I have seen the most tremendous growth in my spirit, my mind, my body and finances. My mind is clearer and I’m learning to ask what kind of lady I really want to spend my life with. Until being celibate, I was literally making do with any lady I got, they may exhibit characters I never liked but because of the intimacy and fear of not getting “some” again I continued in the relationship.
Now I can say “I want this” “I don’t want this” and that is priceless to me.
– Dr. K.N, Ukraine.
Not having sex has given me peace. There’s a peace that comes with not having premarital sex with anyone. We all know sex before marriage is wrong and definitely, having that at the back of your mind makes you worry. So not having sex just makes me free and peaceful.
One of the struggles I encounter is loneliness.
I have had to restrict my visit to certain male friends especially to the ones I’m attracted to. You just have to ask yourself, “if it comes to it, will you be able to say no?” When I answer that, it helps me make the decision. Being previously sexually active, it’s harder to abstain but it’s definitely worth it. I have control over my body; yes, I know I have sexual drive but it’s up to me to decide if I want to control my sexual drive or if I’ll let my sexual drive control me. Obviously, I have been in control and I’m loving it.
For me, obeying and honouring God with my body has always been the key.
– Goziem, Ukraine.
I always told myself that premarital sex was a No No for me and I have done all I can to stay true to it.
At first, that was just my personal principle based on morals, but my dedication, commitment and service in the house of God has not only helped me in abstaining but it has given me a better understanding of why I’m not doing what I shouldn’t do.
Also, Knowing that there are people looking up to me, keeps me motivated. When I have conversations with guys concerning relationships and sex, they tend to back out when I mention abstinence.
There is no need for trial and error, if you’re not serious about someone then don’t get into the relationship. I once got together with someone due to pressure and trust me, you don’t ever want to do that.
There’s a sense of satisfaction I feel with not having premarital sex. These things – lust, sex – are momentary, and not worth my relationship with God.
I’ve had my “moments” moments when I have been tempted but God is the ultimate reason why I do what I do, so I always keep that in mind.
The joy of not having any regrets in that area is liberating.
– Dr. Vira, Ukraine.
Sometimes, people say they are celibate but there are sequence of events that proves otherwise. Prevention starts from the beginning of your friendship, not when you’re in the relationship. Don’t start a trend you can’t end, because at the long run, you’ll end up saying “Well I’ve come this far so why don’t I just do the main thing?”
If I know I’m looking to remain celibate, there are things I have to avoid doing, like sleeping on the same bed with a lady, dressing up in the presence of a lady or even going as far as making out – these, and much more, are examples of sequence of events that should be avoided.
Being truthful in your relationship is very important, for example; when you’re in the same space with your partner and you know you can’t keep your hands to yourself at that moment, let it be known and say you have to leave. Communication is key. When one person is going through a phase of weakness, it is the other’s responsibility to lift the person up – that’s why it’s important to be in a relationship with someone who has the same values and beliefs you have.
Celibacy has helped me see clearly – you learn how to differentiate people from people. I can concentrate more on what I want to do with my life instead of chasing girls.
Carrying so much weight on your shoulder would make it difficult for you to get to your destination.
– Jay, Ukraine.
I received Christ into my life after I gained admission into the university. Growing up, I had gotten into a romantic relationship even though there wasn’t sex, however, sexual impurity is not a function of if there’s no sex or not.
So for my life I found that sexual impurity doesn’t respond to prayers but to the decision born out of love for God and value to self. I decided by the grace of God to be sexually pure and not to date or get into any relationship until I’m ready for marriage myself.
I’m a kind of person that meet and relate with people a lot, including ladies, so I watchfully keep my distance when I notice the onset of an unusual attachment. Am also quick to connect ladies together for spiritual growth rather than do a direct mentoring myself especially when I perceive in my heart to do so. No superman in this case, just obey. After making a sincere decision, it takes wisdom to be sexually pure because the urge never dies.
It’s also very good to have someone in your life you can open up to about anything in your life. I mean, someone who can help you out of it and still let you know you are worth the price Jesus paid. The strength of sin many times is secrecy.
Many are not having sex yet, are still sexually impure. As you become more mindful of God and the things of God, you find yourself walking in that freedom. “Walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the desire of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).
– Dr. Liyu, Nigeria.
Wow, reading these stories have inspired me tremendously. I learnt a whole lot:
- Sexual impurity is not a function of if there’s sex or not.
- No superman when it comes to your sexual desires, Obey and flee.
- Being truthful in your relationship goes a long way especially in your time of weakness.
- There are sequence of events you have to avoid so you don’t get to a point of no return.
There’s an undeniable peace that comes with sexual purity. I really hope these stories have touched you in some ways like it did me.
I love you guys, thanks for reading and also watch out for the second part of this article. So many stories to share. Your story can also be featured.
To share your story with us, do send me an email at: firstname.lastname@example.org
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